Warning Sad Post!

So after my happy posts lately now I have a sad post... It is a clump of sad! They said bad things happen in three's so I am hoping that these 3 sad things that happened all in a row means we're done and can enjoy the happiness yet to come in our life!

First sad news, we came to the very sad conclusion on December 8th, 2013 that we did not have the time for our puppies as we once did. This broke my heart! We decided they would be better suited in homes where they could get the attention and training they deserve and need. So I posted them on KSL bawling the whole time I wrote their descriptions. If I had to tell my younger self that one day you will have two dogs and you'll decide you don't have time for them and you'll sell them. I wouldn't believe myself it breaks my heart and makes me feel like a terrible terrible person! I got a text about my precious Bandit within a matter of hours asking if I still had her. I confirmed I did and the lady starting asking me more about her, her personality, her mannerisms, any quirks or issues. She said that she had two younger girls and they had been looking for a dog, they thought she was beautiful and that she would be the perfect fit for her and her girls. We were heading down to Salt Lake that weekend so Curtis could work on the baby room furniture and I could go to Candy Making Day. We told her that we could arrange for Curtis to meet with her so she could see Bandit in person before deciding if she wanted her. Curtis would have the dogs with him while he stayed at his dad's house to work on the furniture, I would keep Bo with me at my parents for candy making day. Bo was only a week old at this point and still required 3 feelings a day and could not be left at home without me. Curtis arranged for the lady and her girls to come meet Bandit on Friday night, my mom and I had to take some Christmas stuff to Curtis(he was helping my mom with a Christmas surprise for my dad). We got there right before the lady was about to arrive. I told my mom we needed to hurry and leave because I couldn't watch my puppy leave with someone else. We were pulling out of the driveway right as the lady pulled up, Curtis told me he would call me and let me know what happens, I told him to tell her that if for whatever reason she didn't work out I wanted her back so she wasn't being moved from home to home. Curtis called me 25 minutes later to tell me that Bandit was gone... I just cried my mom rubbed my leg (she was driving) and Curtis even got a little teary he said it was harder than he thought to let her go. So we decided we would keep Ruger for a while to see if we could handle just one dog.

Second sad news: we decide after a week of just having Ruger he still wasn't working out either. The little stink would climb, literally, out of the dog run; he would hook his paws through the fence and climb up and out. We tried to put more fencing on the top corners to keep him in but he would climb on top of those and jump out too. As well as he refused to be potty trained! I mean REFUSED, he knew he wasn't supposed to but did it anyway. So we reposted his ad still with heavy hearts but feeling this was definitely better as it was crucial for him to stay in the dog run while we were at work, he needed room to run and be with people more often. A couple from Kaysville wanted to come see him and asked if they could bring their other dog with to make sure she was going to get along with him. We told her that was not a problem feel free, they came on the morning of Saturday December 28th. They just kept saying how gorgeous he was and so sweet which describes Ruger perfectly!!! He is beautiful and very loving, they asked a lot of questions about him and ultimately decided they wanted him. They got out a collar and leash and took him away, the wife asked me if I was sure I was okay with it she knew I am expecting and wanted to make sure I wasn't going to cry, which I didn't this time I was still very sad but this family was a better fit for him. They had 2.5 acres and a farm like us so he would have room to run and they were home all day with him too. So with both our puppies in what we hope to be better homes and my Mr. Bo growing up and living with the goats full time (except for feeding he would come inside still) our house felt suddenly empty... I was surprised by how suddenly it took hold.

Sad news three I wrote this through tears I am sorry if it rambles or doesn't make sense even proofreading proved difficult: this one is still kind of fresh for me and my heart is still trying to heal. December 30-January 4th Bo was on one feeding a day, I fed him at night so that he would go to bed on a full belly. The following week we would bottle feed him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to complete the weaning to full time hay and grain. January 8, 2014 started as a normal day, I got up to get ready for work, Curtis went to feed animals for the morning feeding,  I went to work, Curtis came in to town a little later to run some errands, we got home, had dinner, ran another errand before the animals were ready for nighttime feedings. When we got home I said it was probably about time to feed Bo, I started to make his bottle as Curtis went out to turn on the heating lamp for the chickens(did I mention we have egg laying mommas? I don't think I did well we have 4 chickens we love the eggs!) and bring Bo inside. I'm going to paint you our nighttime feeding picture.

I mix up his bottle and sit on the kitchen floor just inside our back door and wait to hear his little hoofs pounding up the back steps and start to kick on the door to be let in. Curtis eventually catches up opens the door and I hold open my arms as Bo runs and leaps into my lap looking for his bottle. He then guzzles all 16 oz like a champ before nudging me (in the normal mommy milk areas haha) for more. I have to tell him he's had enough and Curtis takes him back out with the goats where he will finish filling up on hay and grain.

This has been our routine for the last 3 weeks since becoming a big boy and living outside. Curtis was taking longer than usual and baby girl was using my bladder as a trampoline so I took a moment to relieve myself while I was waiting. I heard Curtis walking up the steps but no Bo hoofs, I thought maybe it was too icy for him so Curtis was carrying him, it's been known to happen. But Curtis walked in... Alone and empty handed. He looked very distraught, I asked him where Bo was did he forget him, hoping Curtis was just playing a trick on me. He said he's gone! I thought he meant he had jumped out of the corral and run off, Bo could jump out of the gate and he would when he heard us or knew it was feeding time. I asked Curtis where and if he had looked for him we need to find him he'll starve. Curtis said not like that, he was walking down to the goat corral and there was no sound coming from it, usually Bo hears us and starts crying and freaking out because he wanted his bottle and then Lucky and Snowflake would join in asking for hay. But he said as he approached there was no crying at all, thinking they were all sleeping he entered and saw Lucky and Snowflake standing at the front of the shelter blocking Curtis's view of Bo, they usually weren't that protective of him and he didn't usually ignore us coming for him. He moved them aside and he say Bo laying there not moving, not crying nothing. So back inside again he told me he's gone, I started bawling instantly he was my baby, I nursed him, loved him, bathed him,  played with him how is he gone? Through my tears I asked what happened, he said he didn't know, he just saw him and he's gone. I sat on the floor to continue my body shaking sobs, Curtis held me for a little bit and just let me cry. I asked where he was, he said he put him in the shed I said good I don't want him in with the goats. Curtis said he'd give me a minute, went back out to the goats to feed them, came back about 5 minutes later asking what I thought we should do with him. I didn't want to think about it I wanted to feed my Bo baby, I wanted our nightly routine. Curtis says the ground is too hard to dig him far enough for him but we couldn't leave him in the shed because he may attract animals. I retorted I didn't want him outside in the open either to be eaten by animals. So Curtis took a garbage bag and went to cover him as best he could until we could figure out what we were going to do for him. My mom called me to talk and told me how sorry she was for me, but to remember my blessings and take care of the other baby that needs me. I then called my uncle Dave who is my farming confidant so I could talk to him, he said he was really sorry for me and that farming life is hard sometimes, he said I am too much like him and care for my animals too much. The thing that was the hardest for me is he was 6 weeks old that day, and seemed perfectly healthy there was no foreseeable signs that there would be a problem. Dave said he may have choked on some hay or gotten sick very suddenly and that took him he said that is the hard thing with the reject lambs they could have all kind of problems that we can't see or know about,  and with him being born in the winter that certainly didn't help his chances. So I no longer have my little wooly shadow, no more fist/head bumps, no more who's the boss, no more snuggles while in a milk coma, no more sheepy cries.

So with these hard times in the past I am hoping that Murphy's law is done with us for a while we have a lot of happiness coming our way and I want to be able to just enjoy it!!! Here's to happiness in 2014!